I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
me + whiskey = a bad person
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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