Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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