In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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