it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
