Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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