A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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