who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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