non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
