I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
