ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
