I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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