fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
