Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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