You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
