bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
