I'm so fucking centered right now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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