Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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