I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
