Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
