You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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