Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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