New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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