When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
