my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
