At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
