once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
