Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
