Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Randomize
