I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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