turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
