I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish I only lived at night.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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