I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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