Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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