she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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