no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
