the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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