is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
