next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
