I just saw a hot homeless man
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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