She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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