if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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