she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
