Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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