true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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