she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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