If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
