have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
