I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
