I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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