Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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