life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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