I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize