those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
