Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
