Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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