I think I died a long time ago.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
