You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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