No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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