I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize