"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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