no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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