If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
